The Not-So-Mysterious Character
In the title "Character Sketch" it must be admitted that some people live up to the title "Character" better than others. This person fills that criteria. I've known this "character" longer than many of my friends, and he makes me laugh more than most. This person's identity will be a mystery, you will have to guess it. However, he has so many idiosyncrasies, I don't think this will be a very hard task.
Let's start with characteristics. Everyone has some defining thing that makes them different. Some people have only one unique quality, some have more than one, while others bear only a slight resembelance to the human race as a whole- their differences far outweighing their commonality. This person falls into the latter catagory. There are a many, highly noticeable differences from his average peers. We will only list a few. How many 19 year old males (big hint right here) do you know who giggle? Not laugh, chortle, or guffaw- giggle. I only know one. I know lots 19 year olds, many of whom are male- but I have never met a male above the age of 7, besides this one, who giggles. And, although our esteemed character sings bass in every ensemble, his giggle has a distinctly soprano quality, rivalling every girl's giggle. In a crowd of laughing people- this young man's laugh can be singled out and heard above all the others- rather like a global positioning device. In addition to the giggle, this persona also takes an avid interest in two things- food and matchmaking. Let's start with the food. Perhaps we could blame the enormous quantities eaten on his tallness. (You know, tall people have longer, and thus, bigger stomachs) But in order to make that sound plausible this guy would have to be near 10 feet tall. The quantity of food that disappears when he is around is astounding. Incomprehensible. Amazing. And very amusing. For, after finishing his own gargantuan portion, he will wander through the company looking for other people's left-overs. When asked, his sister claimed she liked to cook for him (what lady doesn't like her hard work devoured and appreciated). His mother remained unpolled- so it is questionable what she thinks- though we can imagine her ecstacy at all those extra funds in her grocery budget since he moved away. But his move has not affected his propinsity for matchmaking. Having himself never dated or been matched, he is of course an expert in this area. This young man breaks the myth that girls gossip and guys don't. It's not true. Of all the people of my acquaintance, I know of none who love juicy tidbits of dating news better than this guy. It would bother me (him taking an interest in this) if he wasn't such a good source, and therefore very worth knowing in this capacity. Although his couples are not always well chosen, his news is always correct.
My guess is by this point you have a very clear understanding of who this character is. If not- then you probably don't know him. . . There is one final characteristic that I feel obliged to mention. There are plenty of guys who play the French Horn, run, study philosophy, and write enormous, non-personalized e-mails. But there are very few who do all of this with a comb-over that looks like it has just been varnished. I know of only two reasons why a person would voluntarily wear their hair this way. The first is a plight known as baldness that plagues many old (and young) men. We don't know for sure, but we are pretty sure that this is not his reason. The second reason could be a desire for originality, and an affection for standing out and being noticed. We must conclude that this individual rather likes comb-over jokes and enjoys being made fun of in a friendly capacity. If this is not the reason, we do know several hair implant specialists he could call. . .
The picture posted above is of our mystery man. Very flattering.
If you need further hints, let me know and I will post them- after getting down on my knees and praying that you will get through life safely with your level of intelligence.
Let's start with characteristics. Everyone has some defining thing that makes them different. Some people have only one unique quality, some have more than one, while others bear only a slight resembelance to the human race as a whole- their differences far outweighing their commonality. This person falls into the latter catagory. There are a many, highly noticeable differences from his average peers. We will only list a few. How many 19 year old males (big hint right here) do you know who giggle? Not laugh, chortle, or guffaw- giggle. I only know one. I know lots 19 year olds, many of whom are male- but I have never met a male above the age of 7, besides this one, who giggles. And, although our esteemed character sings bass in every ensemble, his giggle has a distinctly soprano quality, rivalling every girl's giggle. In a crowd of laughing people- this young man's laugh can be singled out and heard above all the others- rather like a global positioning device. In addition to the giggle, this persona also takes an avid interest in two things- food and matchmaking. Let's start with the food. Perhaps we could blame the enormous quantities eaten on his tallness. (You know, tall people have longer, and thus, bigger stomachs) But in order to make that sound plausible this guy would have to be near 10 feet tall. The quantity of food that disappears when he is around is astounding. Incomprehensible. Amazing. And very amusing. For, after finishing his own gargantuan portion, he will wander through the company looking for other people's left-overs. When asked, his sister claimed she liked to cook for him (what lady doesn't like her hard work devoured and appreciated). His mother remained unpolled- so it is questionable what she thinks- though we can imagine her ecstacy at all those extra funds in her grocery budget since he moved away. But his move has not affected his propinsity for matchmaking. Having himself never dated or been matched, he is of course an expert in this area. This young man breaks the myth that girls gossip and guys don't. It's not true. Of all the people of my acquaintance, I know of none who love juicy tidbits of dating news better than this guy. It would bother me (him taking an interest in this) if he wasn't such a good source, and therefore very worth knowing in this capacity. Although his couples are not always well chosen, his news is always correct.
My guess is by this point you have a very clear understanding of who this character is. If not- then you probably don't know him. . . There is one final characteristic that I feel obliged to mention. There are plenty of guys who play the French Horn, run, study philosophy, and write enormous, non-personalized e-mails. But there are very few who do all of this with a comb-over that looks like it has just been varnished. I know of only two reasons why a person would voluntarily wear their hair this way. The first is a plight known as baldness that plagues many old (and young) men. We don't know for sure, but we are pretty sure that this is not his reason. The second reason could be a desire for originality, and an affection for standing out and being noticed. We must conclude that this individual rather likes comb-over jokes and enjoys being made fun of in a friendly capacity. If this is not the reason, we do know several hair implant specialists he could call. . .
The picture posted above is of our mystery man. Very flattering.
If you need further hints, let me know and I will post them- after getting down on my knees and praying that you will get through life safely with your level of intelligence.
posted by COURTNEY at 9:40 AM
1 Comments:
Who is it? Honestly? I do recognize the sweatshirt, though. My brother has one just like it. So it must be someone two years older than you who went to Faith Christian. Hmmm... That's really tricky. Is it Ben? That would just be weird, although he does have a bit of a giggle, actually. Hmm... that may just be it. He has a combover. Wow, were getting close here. I can almost smell the answer! He eats more than me, and I'm told that I can eat a fair amount. Yes that fits. French Horn? Man that throws the whole thing. Unless... I wouldn't put it past you to get that mixed up with that old trumpet Ben doesn't play anymore. Philosophy. Hmm... Chilosophy, chemosophy, chemisphry, chemistry! There it is! Chemistry. Wow, you spell even worse than me. Run, yes, Ben runs from time to time, just to keep in shape. I guess my one problem is that Ben never really has been big into the grapevine. He is missing out. Oh well. You know, a freaky thought just hit me. My brother and I are a lot alike. Interesting.
Oh well, I guess that Ben is a tenuous fit, although, honestly, who could be so strange? Oh well, I give up. Who is it?
David Bankes
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