Never, No, Not EVER!!!

Okay! Not gonna do it! Nope. Never.

I am not going to date.

I am not going to become engaged.

And I am most definitely NEVER getting married.

You should see me right now, I think I have "anti-guy" written all over me. :) I look quite the cosmopolitan business woman with my cute work outfit and "my" adorable little convertible. I look like a SINGLE carreer woman- and that's the way I would like to keep it, thank you very much.

Wow. I don't know where that all came from!

Yes I do. That's a lie. It springs from my deep aversion to conflict. I have noticed that most relationships of that nature seem to be a breeding ground for arguments, "discussions", and confrontations. I don't like these. Not at all. So, I'm going to avoid that kind of discomfort for as long as possible. Call me immature and selfish. I am. And I don't care.

Then, below that terror of deep discussions and conflicts there is another. I don't want to ever be left. I bawl my eyes out when people leave me because of a job change, graduation, etc. What would happen if they left, but didn't really leave? You know, the boyfriend throws out some sort of line like: "I don't think our relationship is going in the best possible direction. Why don't we call it off?" or, worse still, "Courtney, you're really great and all, but there's this other girl...."

ARRRRGH!!!

That for me epitomizes the horror of any relationship. It scares me to death- the thought that I am not good enough- and I never will be. It's the thought which has hampered me in several friendships with guys (not that they ever knew that) and it's that thought which is holding me out of any relationship at the present. (Okay, it's not the only thought- but it IS one of the three most prevalent.)

So, let me make this simple for you- here are the three reasons I'm not dating (I thought I should think these outsince I've been asked, "Why aren't you dating?" countless times already this summer.)

1. I love my freedom too much- I've got too much to do. A guy doesn't figure into my strategic plan for another five years.

2. I'm terrified that I'm not good enough and I never will be.

3. I don't want to be dumped.

There- those are my three relationship phobias.

I have no clue why I am blogging this. Guess I just needed to hash it out. This was a very infrequently read blog when I started- perhaps it still is... anyways. I better get back to work. :)

Toodles!!!