Always

crying.
sobbing.
curled up in a ball.
aching.
pain.
grief.
despair.
lonely.

My heart is torn.
My eyes can't cry.
My emotions are battered.
Somewhere under all those tears my happiness lies drowned.

A vapor. Here today, gone tomorrow.

Cold.
Numb.
Smiling blankly.
Nodding politely.
Murmuring "thank you."
What do I say?

Death forces you to face phobias. To confront fears. To learn. I'm scared of death. Not of my own death, but the deaths of others. I know I will see them again. I realize they are happy. I know the angels are singing. I know they are praising God. I know human language cannot encompass the joy and peace they have.....

But what about me?

You will die. He will die. My mom. My dad. My brothers. My sister. My friends. They will die.

And what if I am left? What if I'm alone? What if everything I've ever learned to love is torn away leaving me raw, unsheltered..... alone?

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Never alone.
Never alone.
I am NEVER alone.

"You, O God, are my loving God."

Love. He always loves.
Love will never be gone.

"One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard; that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving."

Always protected. Always surrounded.
Always sheltered.

"Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My sould clings to you; your right hand upholds me."

Song is not gone. Joy is not destroyed.
He holds me up. GOD carries me.
Let my heart rejoice.

"Oh the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his paths beyond tracing out!"

God. Knows. Best.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

I am never alone. I am never unloved. I am never joyless.

Life has been planned. By God.

God is so good.
God is so good.
God is so good.
He's so good to me.