Enough!

(Warning: the following is a full-blown rant that is being written in the heat of the moment. Please take that into consideration when you read it.)

Okay, I think I've done it. Haven't I done it?

I've been stretched, pulled, and yanked along towards growth. Every difficult situation this year that I never thought I would have to deal with, I have had to. Every time I thought, "Okay, maybe now it will be a little easier, maybe now I'll have a break." WHAM! something would hit me square in the face.

I've GROWN!!! I know I have! I'm tired of being pulled further! Can't I just rest? Can't I just live? Can't God reach a point where He says: "Yes, Courtney, you're not perfect, but I'm going to give you a break. I'm going to just let you relax. Don't worry. No more horrible, terrible, no-good, very bad things will happen to you for at least a month. Just relax, take a break. You need it."

BUT HE HASN'T SAID IT.

I'm beginning to realize that it's never coming. Never. I can cross my fingers, I can whine, I can cry, but I'm never going to get that vacation from spiritual growth that I've always wanted.

I WANT IT!

I've had enough of feeling insecure, alone, stupid, incompetent. I'm tired of always messing up, always having to trust. I've had enough of not seeing the future, I've had enough of constant struggle.

I've had enough falling down and failing.

Enough.