Merry Christmas... in an interesting sort of way
Last year we complained too much about my mother's excellently written Christmas letters. So this year she told me it was my job. Below is my final product. I believe that most Christmas letters are rather boring, but I endeavored to keep ours from being so. You'll wish you were part of my family.
I believe this is all I shall write until the new year, so Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Life is so exciting!!!
Well, dear family and friends,
It has finally happened. Last year, amid a storm of protests and corrections, our dear mother resigned her position as Christmas letter writer. The task was delegated to the children. I believe that the traditional way of writing these letters is to give each person a paragraph, (I don’t know… I’ve never done this before.) However, as I begin to compose this letter, I realized that, as a whole, we’ve had a rather boring year. So I made a few improvements.
We shall start with the youngest. Poor little Erika so often gets over-looked. Just this summer as she was back-packing up to Machu Picchu she almost was over-looked at the cost of her life. Everyone else had gotten out of the canoe, and then forgot about Erika, on top of that, they forgot to tie up the canoe. Erika had a perilous few hours battling giant alligators and wrestling her duffle bag away from a python, but we are happy to say that she survived and even made friends with some excellent natives. The results of her voyage were extremely profitable. She is now on staff at National Geographic.
Alex, on the other hand, had a quiet year at home. He did begin a modeling career specializing in men’s suits, and last January was named People Magazine’s “Hottest Hunk of the Year.” Not being one to waste his success or new fame, Alex decided to use his new found popularity as a campaign platform to fight for duck safety. He has installed a total of 376 “Duck Crossings” this past year. In addition to this rigorous philanthropy, Alex has created a cure for the hiccoughs and developed a line of scented socks. Once again in the running, not only for People Magazine, but also Time Magazine’s “Man of the Year,” Alex has continued to demonstrate a very humble personality.
Trevor. What can I say about Trevor? We only have one paragraph to dedicate to this incredible boy’s year, but oh what a year it has been. When he was offered the position of “Extreme Scenario Weapon Tester” for the U.S. Army, he jumped at the chance, literally. Aparently, before sending troups out into dangerous or unusual circumstances with certain weapons, the Army likes to test these weapons in these settings in order to know how they will behave. Trevor is one of the testers. He tested weapons in an Antarctic blizzard, a Sahara sand storm, and even jumped out of an air craft in fog over Mongolia. What a brave servant of our country…
Mom and Dad got a little lonely this year. After all, there are only six of us. So they decided to adopt two more. Although our new arrivals have not appeared yet, rumor has it that they will be virtuosos in the violin and piano. Meanwhile, Mums and Dads have continued to run one of the finest academic establishments in the Western Hemisphere. Mum has taken on a speaking tour, educating the populous about their lack of education, and Dad has opened several furniture stores across the country. He sells only the finest of his hand-crafted products.
As for me… Well, life has been a little dull recently. Granted, I did just sign a contract to work with Steven Spielberg on his new film, but my latest movie only garnered four Oscars instead of my traditional seven. However, the orphanages I just established in Somalia are going well, and I plan on taking a trip to the Gambia to see about the need for one there. I also achieved my goal of mastering bungee jumping and parasailing. And just last week I learned how to hang glide off of Aires Rock in Australia with the Aborigines.
Yes, it has been a rather exhausting year, but as a whole we are all successful, happy, and very glad that Christmas time has arrived once again. Once again we’re all together celebrating the birth of the Baby King. We pray that your year has been as thrilling as ours, and that your New Year will bring many more adventures!
Merry Christmas!
P.S. As mother of the Blakes, I cannot vouch for the truth of anything in this letter. -Susan
I believe this is all I shall write until the new year, so Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Life is so exciting!!!
Well, dear family and friends,
It has finally happened. Last year, amid a storm of protests and corrections, our dear mother resigned her position as Christmas letter writer. The task was delegated to the children. I believe that the traditional way of writing these letters is to give each person a paragraph, (I don’t know… I’ve never done this before.) However, as I begin to compose this letter, I realized that, as a whole, we’ve had a rather boring year. So I made a few improvements.
We shall start with the youngest. Poor little Erika so often gets over-looked. Just this summer as she was back-packing up to Machu Picchu she almost was over-looked at the cost of her life. Everyone else had gotten out of the canoe, and then forgot about Erika, on top of that, they forgot to tie up the canoe. Erika had a perilous few hours battling giant alligators and wrestling her duffle bag away from a python, but we are happy to say that she survived and even made friends with some excellent natives. The results of her voyage were extremely profitable. She is now on staff at National Geographic.
Alex, on the other hand, had a quiet year at home. He did begin a modeling career specializing in men’s suits, and last January was named People Magazine’s “Hottest Hunk of the Year.” Not being one to waste his success or new fame, Alex decided to use his new found popularity as a campaign platform to fight for duck safety. He has installed a total of 376 “Duck Crossings” this past year. In addition to this rigorous philanthropy, Alex has created a cure for the hiccoughs and developed a line of scented socks. Once again in the running, not only for People Magazine, but also Time Magazine’s “Man of the Year,” Alex has continued to demonstrate a very humble personality.
Trevor. What can I say about Trevor? We only have one paragraph to dedicate to this incredible boy’s year, but oh what a year it has been. When he was offered the position of “Extreme Scenario Weapon Tester” for the U.S. Army, he jumped at the chance, literally. Aparently, before sending troups out into dangerous or unusual circumstances with certain weapons, the Army likes to test these weapons in these settings in order to know how they will behave. Trevor is one of the testers. He tested weapons in an Antarctic blizzard, a Sahara sand storm, and even jumped out of an air craft in fog over Mongolia. What a brave servant of our country…
Mom and Dad got a little lonely this year. After all, there are only six of us. So they decided to adopt two more. Although our new arrivals have not appeared yet, rumor has it that they will be virtuosos in the violin and piano. Meanwhile, Mums and Dads have continued to run one of the finest academic establishments in the Western Hemisphere. Mum has taken on a speaking tour, educating the populous about their lack of education, and Dad has opened several furniture stores across the country. He sells only the finest of his hand-crafted products.
As for me… Well, life has been a little dull recently. Granted, I did just sign a contract to work with Steven Spielberg on his new film, but my latest movie only garnered four Oscars instead of my traditional seven. However, the orphanages I just established in Somalia are going well, and I plan on taking a trip to the Gambia to see about the need for one there. I also achieved my goal of mastering bungee jumping and parasailing. And just last week I learned how to hang glide off of Aires Rock in Australia with the Aborigines.
Yes, it has been a rather exhausting year, but as a whole we are all successful, happy, and very glad that Christmas time has arrived once again. Once again we’re all together celebrating the birth of the Baby King. We pray that your year has been as thrilling as ours, and that your New Year will bring many more adventures!
Merry Christmas!
P.S. As mother of the Blakes, I cannot vouch for the truth of anything in this letter. -Susan
posted by COURTNEY at 10:19 AM
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