WARNING: BAD DAY
Okay, I lost it today. Completely. Utterly. Curled up in a ball on my futon bawling my eyes out. Shaking. It looked, in all practical senses, like I was having an emotional, physical break down.
Perhaps I was.
Today I learned two horrible things. (Well, they were horrible for me.)
1) I have a genetic disease that makes it impossible (or very difficult) for my body to digest gluten. This means that carbohydrates, in general, are bad for me.
2) I just got an e-mail from my Spanish TA informing me that I would NOT get an A in Spanish. My 4.0 GPA went up in smoke.
So, yes, I started to cry. And I couldn't stop. And I just wanted to disappear. Not only is my body not functioning correctly, and I have to rule out carbs, but apparently my brain isn't working all that well either. I don't care what they say in PBF, I'm never going to be able to say, "Praise God, I got a B." NO. I think that's bad stewardship. I am capable of "A's" so I should get them, no questions.
So, for the past half an hour I have been reeling through all the times in my mind when I could have been studying Spanish, and didn't, and also making mental lists of everything that I can't eat now.
I try to tell myself that there are people out there who are suffering much more. Starvation, persecution, family struggles, depression, suicide. But I'm afraid I'm a very selfish human being, and all I can see is my own problems. So, on top of everything else, I'm an ungrateful wretch. Great.
Tonight is the final for my worst class.
No question, this has been a horrible day.
Perhaps I was.
Today I learned two horrible things. (Well, they were horrible for me.)
1) I have a genetic disease that makes it impossible (or very difficult) for my body to digest gluten. This means that carbohydrates, in general, are bad for me.
2) I just got an e-mail from my Spanish TA informing me that I would NOT get an A in Spanish. My 4.0 GPA went up in smoke.
So, yes, I started to cry. And I couldn't stop. And I just wanted to disappear. Not only is my body not functioning correctly, and I have to rule out carbs, but apparently my brain isn't working all that well either. I don't care what they say in PBF, I'm never going to be able to say, "Praise God, I got a B." NO. I think that's bad stewardship. I am capable of "A's" so I should get them, no questions.
So, for the past half an hour I have been reeling through all the times in my mind when I could have been studying Spanish, and didn't, and also making mental lists of everything that I can't eat now.
I try to tell myself that there are people out there who are suffering much more. Starvation, persecution, family struggles, depression, suicide. But I'm afraid I'm a very selfish human being, and all I can see is my own problems. So, on top of everything else, I'm an ungrateful wretch. Great.
Tonight is the final for my worst class.
No question, this has been a horrible day.
posted by COURTNEY at 12:08 PM
1 Comments:
Don't look at it too logically, Drew. Heh.
Anyway, Court, when I told you that I was glad it wan't a tumor, I didn't mean to make you feel worse. I just was glad it WASN'T worse.
I am sorry that you had such a crap day, but, as I said, there will be NO bad grades next semester, to which you exuberantly replied, no there will NOT be, and in any case, perserverance, bravery, and a gracious/humble heart make up some for of stewardship, although I do not know alot about it.
<3 mols
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