Me (aka Ungrateful Wretch)

Why do I place so much of my happiness, or rather my happy feeling, on other people and how they perform? I know that they're fallible, I know that they are finite, I know that man cannot do everything and often falls short. But still, how my fellow man treats me is the primary "feel good" factor of my life. Forget the fact that there is an infinite, all-knowing, loving, merciful, gracious, omnipotent, infallible, Heavenly Father who is watching over me. I want people satisfaction. It's like an athlete saying, "If you please, I'd rather not get first place, or the gold medal. I would really be so much happier just teaching gym class to a bunch of second graders." Or a lady sitting down to a gourmet dinner looking around and questioning, "Where is my junk food? This is insane, you expect me to eat truffles and caviar? All I really want is my spam sandwich and a bag of chips." When given a choice is a girl going to choose a $20 shopping spree to Goodwill, or a $25,000 shopping spree to a designer shop in New York? That's what is like when I say, "God, you can't make me happy. I want so-and-so to do such-and-such, and then I will be happy." Only in this situation the difference is even greater than my shopping spree analogy. God wants so much for me. He has given so much for me- more than I can even imagine, fathom, or know about. But I just keep pushing it all away whining, "No, no- I don't want that!" I pout when something doesn't go my way. Surely God couldn't have meant good to come from this trial, after all- if he really loved me he'd give me everything I want. It's not like he hasn't saved me from eternal damnation, given me a family that loves me continually, a church I can learn and grow in, his word to grow me and encourage me, a school where I can get one of the best educations ever. Surely God isn't behind the ability to walk to class, friends that listen to my ranting, classes that make me excited, a healthy body, enjoyment of music, movies, and books. Surely this doesn't count. I can always think of more, "I want..." But how often do I go, "Please no more! Look at all I have! I'll be writing thank you notes to you for eternity! (and I thought graduation was bad...)" Instead I'm going to cross my arms, shake my head and declare- "Nope, sorry Lord, I prefer Goodwill over Dior any day."

I'll make a list of GOD's gracious dealings, all the things GOD has done that need praising, All the generous bounties of GOD, his great goodness to the family of Israel-- Compassion lavished, love extravagant. Isaiah 63:7