Bored.... when I shouldn't be

I am currently sitting in the Sweet Shop. It is a very studious atmosphere. There is no reason for this attention wandering. None at all. There are no couples for me to stare at, frat boys to disdain, or laughy girls to grate on my nerves. But for some reason I have no desire to pound away at my Spanish subjunctive verbs and indirect object pronouns. (Which are hampered by so many rules as to be very frustrating. :) ) I'm trying very hard not to be despondent about missing the first Passion Play rehearsal I've missed in 7 years... All well- Spanish is soooo much more fun! (Here the false note of forced cheerfulness in my voice.)

Random thoughts keep floating through my brain, and I think I will be able to concentrate after thrashing them all out. (Not "answering"- but rather "thrashing" kind of like whipping a dead horse.)

I was reading something tonight ("The Enemy Within"- good book) when something became clear to me. We say all the time, "God sees all, God knows all, God is infinite and all powerful. He is a powerful and just judge." And we finish the whole thing off with a smile, like "Ah, isn't that great. What's for Sunday lunch?" When asked if we understand God, we smile blandly and say, "No one can!" I think part of our complacency as American Christians comes from not even attempting to realize how powerful our God is. We've used the words- "awesome," and "powerful" so often that they've lost their meaning. We have grasped the concept that we can't understand God, so we don't even try. We're too lazy.

Conversely, another age-old idea slapped up against me tonight. I am often frustrated that I am unable to fully be awed and truly afraid of God. When I try to understand, write it out, fathom it, I can't. I want to shake with fear, I want to be amazed at the great God who loves me. But somehow my mind cannot wrap around it. And today, I (in a very dim, elusive way) realized why. I am a sinner. I have a sin-cursed, limited mind. (Just ask my biology teacher...) God could choose to let me see him, to understand who he realy is, but the amazement and grandeur of it all would cause my finite mind to snap. The sinful, weak finite cannot understand the blameless, powerful infinite. If I could grasp who God really is, my mind would give out.

Once again, these are random thoughts, and other than the previous two paragraphs, none of these thoughts are inter-related.

If every person in your life is telling you to "go for it." (People you respect, admire, and who you trust) Should you? Perhaps you have doubts and inhibitions. Maybe you feel unprepared, but everything is falling into place, you are receiving positive encouragement from leaders and fellow Christians in your life. Should you jump in? Or is it necessary to wait until you feel confident? Or is this one of those horribly aggravating things that varies from person to person with circumstance to circumstance? Argh! I wish my life came with a book of directions. I know, I know, there's the Bible. But what would be the problem if babies were delivered with their own "Book of Life" in which they would be told what to do when. It wouldn't do it for everything, just big things, and the result would never fully depend on the book, but how you handled life after the big decision, but the big decisions would be made for you. Or helpful suggestions that would make the process easier. Yup, that sounds nice.

Well, I had better go back to hashing out these verbs. Please e-mail me. I get very bored with only my own thoughts to entertain me. You would get bored too if you had to live with my brain!

This was fun... now back to being bored.

No- right attitude: Now back to the wonderfully fascinating intricacies of the Spanish language! :)