Understand, please

I think I need to explain something.

I've had lots of people ask me why I'm not dating, or why there's no "interest" in my life. Anyone who knows me remotely well can attest to the fact that I am about as far removed from an emotionless machine as you can get. I am, at heart, a romantic. I love sappy movies, songs, and stories. I bawled so hard in the "Titanic" that I had red eyes and a headache for the next 24 hours. I get achy in my throat when I hear Dvorak, and I sing at the top of my lungs to "The Phantom of the Opera." I am, in essence, a romantic sap. I would love to have my own love story. But I don't think it's fair.

It's not fair to the poor guy. I still don't know what I want in a Prince Charming. I'm still looking and trying to figure out my own messes and problems, my own goals and desires. I can't bring another person into that! It wouldn't be fair to him. What would happen, if somewhere down the road I finally did figure out what I wanted- and I had this guy I had been dragging along the whole time (and who would be perfect with one of my friends) but who would be horribly unhappy with me? Perhaps that guy was the epitome of someone else's ideal, but not mine. However, I have been the one leading him on. That's not fair to him. It's playing with his emotions. (Even though some argue that guys don't have emotions.)

So, I'm currently waiting. But actively so. I'm getting to know more people (guys and girls) I'm trying things, developing friendships, trying to sort through my own little foibles and gathering wisdom from those around me so that I may make a wise decision when my time comes. Until it does- I'll still sob through chick-flicks and someday I'll sing along to Josh Groban:

You're the one I've always though of

I don't know how but I feel sheltered in your love

You're where I belong

And when you're with me if I close my eyes

There are times I swear I feel like I can fly

When you say you love me

The world goes still, so still inside and

When you say you love me

For a moment, there's no one else alove.

And this journey we're on

How far we've come and I

Celebrate every moment

When you say you love me

That's all you have to say

I'll always feel this way

When you say you love me

Do you know how I love you?

Yeah, go ahead and call me a romantic fool. I know I am. :)