BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF

Guess what kind of a mood I'm in right now.

Never mind, I'll tell you.

I'm in my "eternally single, ardently alone, flaming feminist" mood. Yup. Those of you who know me are very well aware that this mood doesn't attack all that often. Indeed, I believe I had only two cases of it the entire school year. However, the past four weeks of my life have been steadily building to this very passionate mood.

Let me explain.

I am a girly girl. I'm a sucker for chivalry and if anyone remotely resembling my ideal knight in shining armor rides by- I swoon. I've been playing house since I was 2, and until I was closer to ten than five did I become aware that there were any careers for women other than marriage and lots of kids. I was fine with that.

I'm growing up now, and I've been noticing some things.

It's been my experience that relationships (with the opposite gender and more than friends) become rather difficult and joy sapping to me (except for the few, early moments of ecstacy). I don't like problems, I don't like discussing "issues," and I don't like having to constantly clarify what I'm saying and why I'm saying it. Other people thrive in these relationships, they become a more colorful, finished person with their new "interest." When I had an "interest", within several days I had three people ask me if I was sick. THREE people in less than a week. I didn't sleep, I lost interest in school, and I had absolutely no focus.

In the past, all the relationships that I have poured time into have disappointed me, they've left, found someone better. But I was left hanging on to all the time and emotions I had poured into that person. My feelings didn't leave like theirs did. I'm still fighting remnants of them.

In addition to that, each day I become more and more aware of the fact that I am a sinner, and any couple is going to be comprised of two sinners. I can't deal with my own problems, let alone bring someone else into the whole relationship. As my dear friend Amanda once said, "Sometimes people bug me." Meaning that there was really no other reason for them bugging than the fact that they were alive and living somewhere in my proximity.

But this isn't all. :)

I love living. I have so many passions, so many things I want to pursue. I want to graduate with honors from Purdue undergraduate Audiology program, and go on to get my Ph.D. at either John Hopkins Medical Center, or another Ivy League School. I then plan to either start my own practice in the Midwest, or join a team of clinical experts on the East Coast (preferrably New York.) I have plans to write, teach music, and be involved in the broadcasting arena. (In addition to shopping designer and having my own penthouse.) One of my life goals is to travel the world in medical missions- visiting each content at least once on a medical missions trip before I die. I have a lot to do!!!

So, the compilation of:
1) Relationships don't seem to affect me positively, and I'm happier without them.

2) I'm a sinner, and I can't even deal with the problems I confront on my own.

and,

3) I have so many personal goals I want to meet,

have both combined to make me decide that I really like being "alone." (aka- single)

Don't get me wrong. I'm not closing off the whole relationship avenue forever, but unless something incredibly unexpected, and completely different from past experience, yet closely in line with my future goals comes along, I am riding this rollercoaster of life alone. :)

Feel free to have your future kids come over and play with "Aunt Courtney." They'll love buying ice cream in Central Park. I also want to be a godmother. I promise the kid who gets me will believe I'm a fairy. :)