Very Confused... i.e. Feeling like normal
Okay, I'm not sure exactly what is going on- all the posts except for the one directly previous to this one are whited out and my profile is at the bottom of the page. I have no idea how this happened, I didn't do anything (at least, not intentionally) my blog just decided to go balistic on me.
Well, life has kinda gone ballistic on me... not in a bad way, just in several hard ways. I guess that's okay. After all, the hard stuff is what is supposed to shape, define, and perfect your character, right? After a series of bumps, you are, supposedly, supposed to be a better person. However, what if I don't WANT to be a better person? Hmmm? How about that? What if I am exceptionally happy with being a shallow, insipid, rather bland person? What if being flawed is more fun?
That's funny, "being flawed is more fun." I am living out perfect examples of why being flawed is not more fun. Sticky relationships, failed promises, a lack of growth, a lack of servanthood. You name it- I've done it. Not that a lot of good things haven't happened as well- I'm loving this summer more than probably any other summer. It's super fabulous! I just wish I was a little more wise, omniscient, all-powerful, intelligent, and loving. However, I'm not. But maybe the series of events that I have put myself through is what will help me grow (with very little steps, it seems!) more like Jesus Christ.
I just want to be done growing.
I want to be perfect.
In other news- I think I'm going to have THE most fabulous 4th of July EVER. Friday night I'm leaving with a bunch of friends for Michigan for a weekend by Lake Michigan. A friend (i.e. Mike Luepke) is having a hoop-la at his house Friday night thru Tuesday night. It'll probably be pretty late-ish when we get back, and I have to work the next day, but who cares? You're only young once! So, after a week of biking, bonfires, fireworks, swimming, and cook-outs, I can guarantee that I will be redder than a lobster and very, very tired. I can hardly wait. The fam is going to Chicago, so I suppose this is the first official family holiday that I've skipped out of. I'd feel bad, except I'm almost 21. At almost 21 there are a LOT of holidays that you have gone to, and so you don't feel as bad for missing one.
I think that's all in the Courtney world... I wish I was perfect, I'm having a great summer, life is good, and rough, and after tonight I think I will be much more rested, peaceful, and at ease. However, I also believe that I'll cry. Which is never fun.
All well.
Well, life has kinda gone ballistic on me... not in a bad way, just in several hard ways. I guess that's okay. After all, the hard stuff is what is supposed to shape, define, and perfect your character, right? After a series of bumps, you are, supposedly, supposed to be a better person. However, what if I don't WANT to be a better person? Hmmm? How about that? What if I am exceptionally happy with being a shallow, insipid, rather bland person? What if being flawed is more fun?
That's funny, "being flawed is more fun." I am living out perfect examples of why being flawed is not more fun. Sticky relationships, failed promises, a lack of growth, a lack of servanthood. You name it- I've done it. Not that a lot of good things haven't happened as well- I'm loving this summer more than probably any other summer. It's super fabulous! I just wish I was a little more wise, omniscient, all-powerful, intelligent, and loving. However, I'm not. But maybe the series of events that I have put myself through is what will help me grow (with very little steps, it seems!) more like Jesus Christ.
I just want to be done growing.
I want to be perfect.
In other news- I think I'm going to have THE most fabulous 4th of July EVER. Friday night I'm leaving with a bunch of friends for Michigan for a weekend by Lake Michigan. A friend (i.e. Mike Luepke) is having a hoop-la at his house Friday night thru Tuesday night. It'll probably be pretty late-ish when we get back, and I have to work the next day, but who cares? You're only young once! So, after a week of biking, bonfires, fireworks, swimming, and cook-outs, I can guarantee that I will be redder than a lobster and very, very tired. I can hardly wait. The fam is going to Chicago, so I suppose this is the first official family holiday that I've skipped out of. I'd feel bad, except I'm almost 21. At almost 21 there are a LOT of holidays that you have gone to, and so you don't feel as bad for missing one.
I think that's all in the Courtney world... I wish I was perfect, I'm having a great summer, life is good, and rough, and after tonight I think I will be much more rested, peaceful, and at ease. However, I also believe that I'll cry. Which is never fun.
All well.
posted by COURTNEY at 10:07 AM
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