Maybe I don't want to go to Harvard...

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Jim and Katrina Randalefner of Omaha, Neb., were shocked when, after driving all the way to Massachusetts to enroll their oldest son at Harvard University, they discovered he'd been assigned to an all-homeschooler dormitory, and forced to go through a program called "Fitting In," to help him socialize. "It felt like segregation," said Jim. "They may as well have posted a 'whites only' sign." But Harvard insists they're helping to mainstream students who otherwise find it difficult to blend in with the rest of the student body. "The first year is tough for homeschoolers because many come from such limited social environments," said Kathy Kushner, coordinator of freshman counseling. "We wanted to help them get their footing in a university setting." Child studies professor Darna Craig agrees, saying the homeschoolers she's taught are "brilliant, but not the smoothest social animals. They don't know how to joke around or make light conversation," she says. "It's a real problem for them personally." Fitting In's semester-long schedule includes trips to public places where homeschoolers mingle with people from different socio-economic backgrounds; parties where they learn to have meaningless conversations to forge social bonds; tests on popular slang phrases and lessons on how to "hang out" without outsmarting everyone else in the room. The most daring component pushes homeschoolers to experiment sexually. "It's pretty well known that Harvard, like most secular colleges, wants kids to have intercourse by sophomore year, to get a feel of what life's about," says Kushner. "Homeschoolers are much slower to catch on to what their sub-culture deems sinful activity, and that puts them at a social disadvantage. To put it bluntly, they need to loosen up and hop in the sack." But homeschoolers are offended by the assumption that they're socially stunted. "This 'Fitting In' stuff is utterly risible," said Todd Randalefner, 17, from Nebraska, looking up from the third volume of The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire. "I consort with many types of people — Irish, Welsh, British, and many more. Just because I didn't have daily nutrition breaks or physical education in the traditional public school setting doesn't mean I need to be handled like some sort of fledgling titmouse. A titmouse is a small bird native to North America, three inches in length and with a diet of insects and berries. Some species are endangered where urban construction has encroached on habitats." Inflaming the debate further, Harvard dean James Muesten recently told a small Vermont newspaper, "Homeschooled children tend to come from white, evangelical families, and frankly, those people — I don't want to call them rubes — have a lot to learn about broader culture." He later retracted the comments, saying they were made "in the spirit of the interview" which was free-wheeling and "not entirely serious." He said he thought the Vermont newspaper was satirical and he had tried to "make a joke that turned out not to be funny." He apologized, but affirmed that the homeschool dorm was a good idea that would prove itself over the years. "Fitting In is a great program," he said. "If you're homeschooled and you're coming to Harvard, this is the way it is." Universities have long offered specialized dorms for various groups, from African-American students to bio-engineer majors. But this is the first time a certain class of student has been singled out by educational background and virtually forced into the same dorm. Students are only allowed to opt out if they strenuously object, Harvard says. Todd Randalefner says he'll grit his teeth and stay in the dorms for one year. "Then I intend to opt out, posthaste, and get an apartment," he says. "I'd rather study during waking hours."