Logs In An (aging) Person's Eyes

I'm afraid I'm getting old. Very, very old. I'm also afraid that the wisdom that SHOULD go with such age is not occuring. For instance, I'm a little slow to get out of bed in the morning. I'm starting to remember to take my vitamins and I seem to be developing and affinity for hot herbal tea. Coffee is a daily occurance, and I wear "practical" shoes (about 50% of the time.) All of these seem to point to a wiser, older me.

But there's one thing that I'm not incredibly stellar at: Holding my tongue. Granted, I'm getting better. MUCH better. I don't blurt out secrets, the details that friends share in confidence I don't tell the entire world. But I've noticed a horrible thing-

I think I'm a mean person.

I think I say things that I shouldn't.

Maybe not to the person's face, but occasionally behind their backs. Is it anything incredibly harmful, no, probably not. Yet at the same time, is it edifying, useful, or desirable? I'm afraid that quite a few of my remarks are tinged with cattiness.

I guess what drew my attention to this was an e-mail I recently received. It contained this line, "This is what you are to say...." And I began to be a little ruffled. Who was this person to tell me what to say? Why on earth did they think that I couldn't communicate clearly and lovingly? After all, they themselves were not paragons of excellence in this way! Why would they be telling me this.

Then I had a horrible misfortune.

I remembered scripture. Yes, I know. And the horrible thing about that is that the Bible is one sure-fire way to be convicted. And I was.

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? (Matt. 7:2-4)

I came to grips with the fact that I could not be upset at a person for their communication since I was hardly the one without sin and able to cast the first stone. After a rather intense, yet brief inner battle, I took a deep breath, thanked God for his abundant grace, through which I am able to grow to become more like Christ, and then proceeded to spend the rest of the day double-checking everything that came out of my mouth.

Surely my God is a great and loving sanctifier.