Skewed Perspective
About a year ago I came to the realization that I am inherently selfish. Don't laugh. I know it's rather stupid that I didn't figure this out earlier, but perhaps my inner probing had been a little... well, shallow. It took someone on the outside to point out what was going on the inside. She looked at me and said, "Courtney, the root of your sin problems is selfishness. You are a selfish person."
I could have hugged her. That sounds like an odd reaction, but I was so extremely ecstatic to find the heart of my problems- once I found the root issue I could attack it with gusto and see the death of sin in my life as opposed to merely trimming its branches.
I've rethought a lot of things since that day (and hopefully changed some of my habits) but I've chosen just one of those rethought areas to discuss today.... marriage.
Yes, I'm serious. I've always approached the thought of spending the rest of my life with someone from a rather skewed perspective. And a rather unbiblical one. Not surprisingly, none of previous relationships or pseudo-relationships worked out according to plan. And here's why:
When thinking about marriage I entered the relationship with a "what can he do for me?" and "how does this make me feel?" perspective. Rather than focusing on becoming more like Christ, or using this time in my life to help someone else become more like Christ, I chose to focus on what I wanted, what I thought I "needed" and what made me feel good.
Don't get me wrong- I think the butterflies, blushing, and romantic moments are wonderful, but I've arrived at the conclusion that it's not really what I want. At least, not if that is the substance of the relationship. (It would be a fabulous bonus.) But I would rather that the man in my life be my friend than my "Prince Charming," I'd rather he told me he loved my character than my appearance. I would rather be confronted than flattered, and helped rather than condoned.
My view of marriage (and relationships) was very self-focused. What did I want? What worked for me? And what made me comfortable? I sought my own desires rather than sharing God's true goal of marriage: that I be a helper and a suitable companion for a leader. (Genesis 2:18-22) Marriage is not God's way of making me comfortable, but rather His way of making me complete. Of causing me to grow.
I don't want to exit this post with a mis-understanding: I don't believe that God created marriage with the sole view of making us grow. I believe that He is a loving God who desires to give us good things. He created us with a desire for another, and I think marriage will be wonderful. I am what my friends refer to as a "hopeless romantic." I've got that part of the equation down pat, but what God has been helping me to see is that marriage as merely a romance is one-dimensional. Add to that component the "iron sharpening iron" (Prov. 27:17) of true friendship, and I think you have the best earthly relationship known to man...
You'll have a romantic friendship. :)
I could have hugged her. That sounds like an odd reaction, but I was so extremely ecstatic to find the heart of my problems- once I found the root issue I could attack it with gusto and see the death of sin in my life as opposed to merely trimming its branches.
I've rethought a lot of things since that day (and hopefully changed some of my habits) but I've chosen just one of those rethought areas to discuss today.... marriage.
Yes, I'm serious. I've always approached the thought of spending the rest of my life with someone from a rather skewed perspective. And a rather unbiblical one. Not surprisingly, none of previous relationships or pseudo-relationships worked out according to plan. And here's why:
When thinking about marriage I entered the relationship with a "what can he do for me?" and "how does this make me feel?" perspective. Rather than focusing on becoming more like Christ, or using this time in my life to help someone else become more like Christ, I chose to focus on what I wanted, what I thought I "needed" and what made me feel good.
Don't get me wrong- I think the butterflies, blushing, and romantic moments are wonderful, but I've arrived at the conclusion that it's not really what I want. At least, not if that is the substance of the relationship. (It would be a fabulous bonus.) But I would rather that the man in my life be my friend than my "Prince Charming," I'd rather he told me he loved my character than my appearance. I would rather be confronted than flattered, and helped rather than condoned.
My view of marriage (and relationships) was very self-focused. What did I want? What worked for me? And what made me comfortable? I sought my own desires rather than sharing God's true goal of marriage: that I be a helper and a suitable companion for a leader. (Genesis 2:18-22) Marriage is not God's way of making me comfortable, but rather His way of making me complete. Of causing me to grow.
I don't want to exit this post with a mis-understanding: I don't believe that God created marriage with the sole view of making us grow. I believe that He is a loving God who desires to give us good things. He created us with a desire for another, and I think marriage will be wonderful. I am what my friends refer to as a "hopeless romantic." I've got that part of the equation down pat, but what God has been helping me to see is that marriage as merely a romance is one-dimensional. Add to that component the "iron sharpening iron" (Prov. 27:17) of true friendship, and I think you have the best earthly relationship known to man...
You'll have a romantic friendship. :)
posted by COURTNEY at 5:38 AM
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