**gag!**

I think I am going to throw up. Puke. Hurl.

(aren't you glad you decided to visit my blog?)

If I have to write another danged piece of advertisement I think I'm start gagging. Unfortunately I have two more pieces to write before I can call it a day. Then I have to revise them. And turn in another series of them for inspection.

It's all a bunch of bunk.

I wrote an ad for a nursing home the other day. But before writing the ad I decided to get a little info off of the web. I Googled the place expecting to find it's home page, with a peaceful picture and pictures of patients in soft robes watching a mime in one of their "In house entertainments." Instead, I found a national listing of "dangerous" nursing homes. This one was in "code red" (the highest level of danger, because it's "inmates" (that's what they called them!!!! INMATES!!!) were likely to develop bed sores. They were "code yellow" (the middle level of danger) because of the likelihood that the staff would steal the "inmate's" drugs and hock them or use them for themselves.

I proceeded to write a touching ad about how everyone should put their aged parent in this facility.

Never believe everything they say in advertising.

I am here in Bedford, Indiana.

Alone.

No peers or persons in my age group.

It's hot.

I feel fat.

I have a headache and my blood sugar is doing wacky things to my head- making me dizzy and squeamish.

I have dyed my hair for the 16th time- it is STILL strawberry blonde. I give up. I'll never get the cool ash blonde I want.

I'm tired.

I don't like desk jobs.

I want my mom.

I want to go home.

Yes. I just threw a blogging temper tantrum. No, I am not going to handle this in a mature manner. For Pete's sake- I'm going to be twenty in almost 2 weeks. Let me hold on to my remaining childhood! Ugh. I don't want to grow up.

Yes. I am ranting and raving. The problem with the whole thing is that it's not as easy as it used to be. Since my exposure to "choice" language I have had to be careful even in my seemingly unrestrained ravings. Too many tempting, shocking words pop into my head. The other day, while talking on the phone with a friend she delivered a shocking, mind-numbing piece of news and I said, "What the h--- was she thinking!?!?!" Then I apologized. But see- I can't even rant without restraining myself, and that's not very nice.

And then, when I rant I'm all by myself. I really need someone to rant to. Someone who will just sit there and listen. Who won't add their own rantings, try to fix it all, or correct me. That's irritating.

Yes. This is just one big whinge.

But, I'm coming home tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!

And I'll see my wonderful brother, Al, and he will listen to me- just listen. I have yet to find a guy as wonderful as my brother. I'll get a hug from my mother and we'll "girl chat" for hours in a way that has become easier and easier with each passing year. Erika will come running to see me and will give me an enormous hug- we'll bounce on the trampoline, go shopping, and give one another fashion advice. ("Courtney-the-beautiful don't put mascara on your bottom lashes." "Erika-the-gorgeous always press khakis before wearing them, and don't plaster your bangs so.") Trevor will promptly tell me that my skirt is too short, my shirt to low, and that I should try to be a better testimony. He will then throw his arms around me and whisper, "I'm so glad you're home, Sportney." Then he'll start waltzing me around the kitchen, because Baptist though we are, we still love a good swing. Dad will give me a big hug, and I'll smell his Old Spice again. We'll talk about the trip, the roads, the car. He'll ask me if everything is squared away at Purdue for the next semester. I will descend on Amanda at work where we shall both pelt one another with various miscellaneous, random facts from our lives, and proceed to torment little kids and "Mr. Dave" in the pool all afternoon.

I am living for tomorrow.

I will try to stop whining.

I think I need to change my music. Josh Groban is making me dismal- he also brought on today's previous blog, although I can also blame that on my co-worker's boyfriend and the monstrous bouquet he sent her. Argh.

I think I will leave now. I probably won't blog anymore until next week.

Toodles. Maybe I'll see you this weekend!

?

I just want to know how much longer!

How long?

How long am I going to be standing here?

How long will I be waiting?

How long will I be fighting my "dragons" alone?

When will I know who he is?

Why haven't I met him?

Why do I keep wanting to?

Why has God given me this time of life?

Why does He keep my alone and block off all possibilities?

I don't understand!!!!!!

HOW LONG?!?!?

On My Own

I just read a newly graduated high school senior's blog. I believe the phrase that caught my eye was: "I can't wait to be on my own. It'll be so great!"

Yeah, it is great. It's great to stay out late and sleep in as long as you want with no disturbance. It's great to set your own schedule, make your own agenda, and just take care of yourself rather than try to fit your schedule in with that of your family. It's fun to have your own to-do list. It's great to ignore that to-do list. Life on your own is great.

But no one tells you...

You'll be on your own when you're broken and crushed, and for the first time your realize you're just one person in a very big world.

You'll be on your own in the classroom because no one knows who your parents are and they don't give a hang- professors and students alike.

You'll be on your own that first time you have to make that decision to stand up for what you've been taught, or back down and be "cool."

You'll be on your own when you're having problems with school, money, the registrar's office, and your over-due library books.

You'll be on your own when making important decisions, and you'll be torn between what you should do, what you want to do, and what your parents want you to do.

You'll be on your own when you reach that first Sunday you're "too tired" to get up out of bed for church.

You'll be on your own.

The decisions you make are yours and yours alone. And while the thrill of making them, of having that power is wonderful, you are going to have to live with those choices.

Being on your own is incredible. Words cannot exlpain the thrill of "owning" your own life. But words can also not describe the shere terror of that same "aloneness." While growing up I was always told, "With greater privileges, you have greater responsiblity." (Wise mother.) But I never realized the truth of that until I was given overwhelming privilege accompanied by the same amount of responsibility.

I love my "freedom." I've grown so attached to it, that it is often difficult to relinquish. But to every unsuspecting person out there who is yearning for the "freedom" of college- be aware that there is another side. It doesn't detract from the thrill, but it does add a different flavor.

Yes, you be "out of here."

You'll be on your own.

Fairy Tale

I recently had a friend cry, "I'm tired of waiting for my fairy tale!!! I don't understand! Why is life so hard? Why am I fighting so many giants? When will my 'happily ever after' appear?"

"Happily ever after." It's a phrase every girl grows up with. The fairy tale is something everyone dreams of. But as I started to think about it some more I came to this conclusion.

We are in a fairy tale. We just haven't reached the end of it. We're in the middle of it. And in the middle of fairy tales sometimes things look very grim for the hero and heroine.

It's the dark times, the giants, the horrible tests and trials that make fairy tales so gripping, and the happy ending so worth while. If life was a bed of roses from "Once upon a time" all the way through "happily ever after" the charm and the appeal of the story would be lost. There would be no love for the heroine if she was not expected to exhibit charm, poise, character, and growth. There would be no need for the knight in shining armor if there was no one to fight, no deep, dark villain to slay. Without the villains and the seemingly insurmountable obstacles, their love would become shallow and pointless. There would be no charm in their love, if there was no struggle to make it a reality.

Fairy tales aren't what we always paint them. Each hero and heroine has to go through a time in which the are wondering, "What's going on? Is anyone going to help me? Perhaps I'll never get out- perhaps this evil torture will triumph." Read them. I'm sure you'll agree. The darkness of their fate at that moment never really impacts us for this reason: we can see the end. We know it's a fairy tale and inevitably going to end with "happily ever after." We know the knight will win the maiden's hand, that the dragons will be chastened, and that, in the end, all the obstacles have only served to make their love more real.

In a very real sense God is the same way. We're in the middle of our fairy tales. There are dragons, villains, evil doers. If you're like this writer- you're all alone. You haven't found your fair maiden, or you're still waiting for your knight, and sometimes the trial you are in seems never ending. It goes on and on. Your giants are large, grim, and seemingly impossible barriers to your dreams ever coming true. What's more, these dragons are often not only in your surroundings, but inside you, and it takes every ounce of your strength to hold of those villains- your hope of ever triumphing, let alone finding your knight/princess, seems impossible But God is watching your fairy tale- what's more, He's writing it. He knows, even better than you do, the battles you are fighting. Your perfect someone? He has known them since the beginning of time. He can see the "happily ever after" coming.

"Happily ever after" is not the absence of problems, as we seem to think it is. (I do believe our heroes and heroines would get rather bored in that possibly bland state.) "Happily ever after" is rather the contentment, the happiness, the joy of knowing that the choices you made, the person you are with are all pleasing to God, and in line with His plans for your life. They could end the fairy tales with, "And that was the end of all their problems, they lived perfect harmony ever after." Happiness is not the absence of trouble. If you've lived any length of time, you'll be very well aware of that.

So, in response to my friend's cry I would merely say: "Yes, I'm right there with you. I'm in the middle of seemingly endless dark woods filled with indefatigable giants, dragons, and villains of all shapes and sizes. But this is my fairy tale. Perhaps someday I'll be joined by my knight in shining armor, as we're both battling our share of demons. And then we shall fight together- happily content that when "THE END" is written at the bottom of our story, and when we go to see the author- that he will say: "Well done."

Then, our true "They lived happily (sinlessly, joyously...) ever after" will begin.

Couldn't Sleep

I haven't been sleeping very well.

(collective "awwww" from the audience, please)

But it really has nothing to do with my surroundings... I have a very nice bed, an air conditioned room, in a very beautiful, comfortable and clean house.

Ever since I hashed out the details for my trip home, I've been bubbling from inside with sheer, unrestrained joy.

I AM COMING HOME!!!!

July 1st through the 4th will be one of the greatest weekends of my summer, simply because it will be filled with all the ordinary wonderfulness of my usual life. I'm leaving at 5 in the morning on Friday. (Let it be said that it is wonderful to have grandparents who let you take the day off of work with no hassles...) And I'll leave at five in the morning on Tuesday so I'll get back in time to get in a full day of work. But over that weekend I am going to do EVERYTHING!!! Saturday night I was so excited that I couldn't sleep. :)

I'm going to go to PBF, spend as much time as I can with Amanda, celebrate Alex's birthday, go to church and the Pig Roast, and watch fireworks with tears in my eyes like I do every 4th. You know, it's a very good thing to go away for a while, to have all the companionship and teaching and family completely removed. It makes you appreciate them more.

However, this excitement is not the only thing hindering me from sleeping. Today the roofers came. They began their work at 5 in the morning right over my bedroom. It was wonderful.

Or not. (Although a younger member of the group- who looked like the boss's son- was rather cute with washboard abs, blonde hair, and a very nice tan. Hey, it's his fault that I noticed that- he doesn't wear a shirt!)

I'm tired, bleary-eyed, and completely out of creative ideas for all these ads. Why do I always get these computer and car places? And some of these guys are BORING. They don't want any creativity. I can't write a whole page of un-creative fluff! Who do they think I am? Herman Melville? (For those of you who didn't aspire to be English majors- that's the author of Moby Dick- a horribly boring "novel" filled mainly with philosophy and horribly inaccurate biology. David, I think you would like it....) Creative fluff is a lot easier to manage. I also do the patriotic stint very well.

I'm singing in the praise/worship team at my grandparents' church, and a week after I turn twenty I'm singing a solo. That poor music pastor won't know what hit him... Pray for the congregation as I indulge in my karaoke craze. :)

I'm coming home in 4 days!!!!

I want to see everyone!

I want to do everything!

And I don't want to miss a single moment of the whole time!!!

Bring it on, baby!

Rose Colored Glasses

Some people just make you so happy, simply because they know you're faults but love you passionately inspite of them.

One such person is my little sis- Erika Aileen. I couldn't have a better little sis, and I am certainly very lucky that she loves me so much. (If you're not sure if she does check out http://erika110.blogspot.com/ she's wonderful to me!!!!)

The only question is if I'm full of that kind of unconditional love....

" 'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.' " (Lev. 19:18)

21st Century Here I Come!!!

You'll never believe who just called me at work. No, it was not the President, or Rush Limbaugh asking me to be his public radio announcer. It was so much better. :) It was my dad!!! During the course of our conversation he informed me that he was purchasing cell phones and a plan with Cingular. I was shocked as speechless as I could be (being me). My father has declared that cell phones are a waste of time and money. (Predominantly money) and that they are not as useful as everyone claims- he says, "Use pay phones." I showed him articles about the removal of all pay phones (seeing as they were no longer being used-everyone else has a cell phone.) and he nonchalantly waved his hand and said, "That's ridiculous! You'll always find a phone somewhere- hey, you can borrow one from someone around you." He refused when his oldest daughter went off by herself, alone to a secular campus, and my grandmother (his mother) was so worried that she paid for an emergency cell phone for the poor girl). But today, my dear, economical father told me that he was getting some phones, and I, of course, harassed him properly for backing down on his convictions. But I stopped as soon as he said I would get one phone with unlimited minutes. No complaining from the daughter department. :)

Life is rolling along very peacefully and wonderfully. I love my life!!! (Do you want any new news?)

I am currently at work with the coolest co-workers I have ever had, listening to Shania Twain. I've never listened to so much different music. My bosses laughed at me the other day, and occasionally they exclaim, "Courtney, you're too cultured!" (They do so after I claim I can't karaoke because all the songs I know are ancient Broadway love songs, or when I quote someone other than a movie star, and know the answer to why flamingos are pink.)So, my goal is to become un-cultured and join my generation. Hence, I am listening to Shania Twain, reading InStyle magazines, shopping on-line, listening to the Star news, and the Backstreet Boys are in my car CD player. Upon hearing it- another one of my co-workers (music major, half Italian, listens to classical music and arranges/writes her own music) told me that my brain was shrinking.

My only reply was, "Good."

Let's see....

I'm also a fluid stick shift driver, and although I don't think I would ever choose a stick voluntarily, I would still be comfortable driving one. With any luck I will be home for a three day weekend over the 4th of July weekend. Sounds like fun- fireworks, church, a convertible, no work, and tons upon tons of time with friends and family.

(I like this Shania Twain CD)

I am currently the Mitchell News announcer. I do the news live- it is a BLAST! Today marks the first time I did it completely on my own. I've never had so much fun! I sit in this little studio with a switchboard and michrophone. For those of you who have made fun of my heavy smoker voice- it's very, very good for radio news. :) I even got an outside compliment on it. (Someone called and said they liked me doing the news.) Made me very happy. (I'm wearing a very big grin.)

Earlier this week I went walking with my grandfather on the runway of the Bedford airport. Yup, a runway- the kind that planes take-off and land on. It was awesome. As we walked my grandfather gave me my "ground training." I learned all about the lights, how they mark the runways, compass callibrations, incoming slope geometry. So, my new passion is flying. When riding I always get a little sick, but Dramamine should help... :) Any way, I'm taking a flight elective in the Spring Semester. I'm going to get my pilot's liscence. Doesn't that sound incredible!?!?!?! I'm so excited! I have pilot friends and a plane in the family. I'm good to go.

I think I'm going to change my hair color, but I don't think that's all that new and exciting, you all know me too well... And it's not just for fun- my roots are showing :)

Tonight I'm going to a benefit dinner- I'm in the household of very important members of society- I get to practice all my political savvy. ;) This is sooooo much fun!!! Dressing up, doing introductions, engaging in correct conversation, and paying all the righ compliments. Someone told me that I shouldn't aim at First Lady, but rather President. :) We'll see....

Last night I painted bathrooms and stalls at the Bedford Free Methodist church (my current congregation). Very fun.

There's this guy at my grandparents' church named Geoffery Bush (We call him "Jeff") and he's been dubbed, "A very nice boy" by my grandmother. Meaning that he was dateable and that I should be interested in him. He's a runner- a very, very good runner. Holds several records (he was in the paper). There's another guy named Aaron Ritter who (it seems to me) is almost the perfect man, I say "almost" not because I've heard something bad about him, but rather because my theology teaches me that no person can be perfect.... but these older people at this church seem to think he's an angel come to earth. He plays the violin, and does no wrong- so of course he's another candidate for the "Get the Grandaughter Dating" campaign. Unfortunately both are rather skinny, and there's a possibility that I weigh more than both of them combined.... :) So, for right now the grandaughter is alone and blissfully single. (Although Jeff is rather cute- a la Kyle McComas cute... if he asked me out on a date, I'd not say "no." The Ritter kid however has NO chance. "Perfection" can be irritating and boring.) :)

Well, that is my life. Fascinating, no?

Proverbs 1:8

Words of wisdom delivered by my father:

"The longer I live, the more that I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, then circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past ... we can not change the fact that people will act a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing that we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our attitudes." (Charles Swindoll)



Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. (Proverbs 1:8)

BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF

Guess what kind of a mood I'm in right now.

Never mind, I'll tell you.

I'm in my "eternally single, ardently alone, flaming feminist" mood. Yup. Those of you who know me are very well aware that this mood doesn't attack all that often. Indeed, I believe I had only two cases of it the entire school year. However, the past four weeks of my life have been steadily building to this very passionate mood.

Let me explain.

I am a girly girl. I'm a sucker for chivalry and if anyone remotely resembling my ideal knight in shining armor rides by- I swoon. I've been playing house since I was 2, and until I was closer to ten than five did I become aware that there were any careers for women other than marriage and lots of kids. I was fine with that.

I'm growing up now, and I've been noticing some things.

It's been my experience that relationships (with the opposite gender and more than friends) become rather difficult and joy sapping to me (except for the few, early moments of ecstacy). I don't like problems, I don't like discussing "issues," and I don't like having to constantly clarify what I'm saying and why I'm saying it. Other people thrive in these relationships, they become a more colorful, finished person with their new "interest." When I had an "interest", within several days I had three people ask me if I was sick. THREE people in less than a week. I didn't sleep, I lost interest in school, and I had absolutely no focus.

In the past, all the relationships that I have poured time into have disappointed me, they've left, found someone better. But I was left hanging on to all the time and emotions I had poured into that person. My feelings didn't leave like theirs did. I'm still fighting remnants of them.

In addition to that, each day I become more and more aware of the fact that I am a sinner, and any couple is going to be comprised of two sinners. I can't deal with my own problems, let alone bring someone else into the whole relationship. As my dear friend Amanda once said, "Sometimes people bug me." Meaning that there was really no other reason for them bugging than the fact that they were alive and living somewhere in my proximity.

But this isn't all. :)

I love living. I have so many passions, so many things I want to pursue. I want to graduate with honors from Purdue undergraduate Audiology program, and go on to get my Ph.D. at either John Hopkins Medical Center, or another Ivy League School. I then plan to either start my own practice in the Midwest, or join a team of clinical experts on the East Coast (preferrably New York.) I have plans to write, teach music, and be involved in the broadcasting arena. (In addition to shopping designer and having my own penthouse.) One of my life goals is to travel the world in medical missions- visiting each content at least once on a medical missions trip before I die. I have a lot to do!!!

So, the compilation of:
1) Relationships don't seem to affect me positively, and I'm happier without them.

2) I'm a sinner, and I can't even deal with the problems I confront on my own.

and,

3) I have so many personal goals I want to meet,

have both combined to make me decide that I really like being "alone." (aka- single)

Don't get me wrong. I'm not closing off the whole relationship avenue forever, but unless something incredibly unexpected, and completely different from past experience, yet closely in line with my future goals comes along, I am riding this rollercoaster of life alone. :)

Feel free to have your future kids come over and play with "Aunt Courtney." They'll love buying ice cream in Central Park. I also want to be a godmother. I promise the kid who gets me will believe I'm a fairy. :)

Lovely Lafayette

I'm here in Bedford, Indiana, and I am miserable without all of you.

That's right. I, Courtney Elizabeth Blake, who loves new things and has been homesick a scant 5 times her whole life, am now gut-wrenchingly homesick.

I miss being pounced on by Erika in the morning.

I miss laughing at random people (in a kind way, of course) with Amanda.

I miss spontaneous ice cream runs with Mandy.

I miss late night chats with Alex.

I miss getting "woo-bears" from my mum.

I miss waltzing around the kitchen with Trevor.

I miss frantically checking off names with Rachel on Sunday morning.

I miss singing at the top of my lungs while cleaning the bathroom.

I miss playing the viola without inhibitions.

I miss watching chick-flicks with all my girl-friends.

I miss PBF.

I miss being completely clueless (and not caring) in a Bankes brother conversation.

I miss teasing my little sisters friends one moment and then doing hair and makeup the next.

I miss my little golden room- the place where the younger Blakes come to read, talk, and laugh with me.

I miss two hour dinners with my future roomie.

I miss chatting with the girls and getting advice from my older sisters in Christ.

I miss our pool.

I miss political debates with my mom.

I miss 36 mile tandem bike rides with my dad.

I miss random picnics and movie nights with Amanda.

I miss Pastor Viar's sermons on Sunday.

I miss Faith's music ministry.

I miss fellowshipping with believers.

I MISS LAFAYETTE!!!!!

Anyone who has ever been stupid enough to say that Lafayette is boring should leave for eight weeks.

I did.

And now I'm homesick for the town I couldn't wait to get out of.

Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor?

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. (Ecc. 7:14)

June is....

Just to let you know...

June is national rose month.

I love roses.

Just letting you know.

Stolen Fun

Okay, I LOVE these things. Sorry I stole it Mols! (and Sean) But it was so much fun to read that I wanted to do it myself.

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Courtney Elizabeth Blake
Birth date: 7/17/85
Birth place: Peoria, IL
Current Location: Bedford, IN
Hair Color: I don't really know any more... I think I'm going to go blonde (then I'll have an excuse for the ditziness) but currently I'm a redhead.
Righty or Lefty: Righty

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: English, German, Scottish (all fair skinned, fair haired- voila! Me- a freckled albino. :) )
Shoes you wore today: High-heeled, black and strappy. Yee-haw!
Your weakness: a good chick-flick (sobby but happy ending) with chocolate and my bestest buds (except those who make fun of chick-flicks..... you know who you are *ahrem- Bankes!*)
Your fears: my family dieing, deep cloudy water, sharks
Your perfect pizza: everything but ham, pineapple and anchovies.
Goal you'd like to achieve: become 1st Lady of the U.S.A.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your most overused phrase on AIM/MSN: " . . . . "
Your thoughts first waking up: "I think I can get ready in 5 minutes- I don't need to run this morning." And then I hit the snooze.
Your best physical feature: ha. People like me don't talk about the way we look. It makes us feel bad.
Your bedtime: 9:30- kid you not. I am living with the grandparents- and I have to be at work by 8:00....
Your most missed memory: No clue.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: DIET Coke all the way!!!! (Diet Pepsi is gross and the regular- ugh!)
McDonald's or Burger King: Wendi's. They have nice salads... or Chik-fil-A.
Single or group dates: I don't know... never really experienced either.
Adidas or Nike: Brooks. They are good for over-pronators like meself.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Anything as long as it is generously sweetened with Splenda.
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate- unless it's cake- then I'll pass. Unless it's chocolate cheesecake.
Cappuccino or coffee: (chocolate) Cappucino

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: nope
Cuss: Several times. Once when I was almost hit by a semi (he was very rude) and once in the middle of an oral biology presentation.... I still got an A.
Single: What else is there?
Take a shower: Love bubble baths.
Have a crush: Several
Think you've been in love: Hasn't everyone?
Liked high school: Heck, no. (Well, combined there was maybe a year that was fun and that I liked. No one likes to be "different" at that age.... Now I simply don't care. :) )
Want to get married: Someday, maybe.
Believe in yourself: What's that supposed to mean? Yeah, I can do anything if I dredge up enough gumption.
Get motion sickness: Only in airplanes. I think it may be due more to the closed area than motion. I hate that. But I love flying.
Think you're attractive: I only think that occasionally. When there's no one else around to compare to. All alone I look pretty cute- put in the other people- I'm not so hot....
Think you're a health freak: I read fitness magazines for fun, and took a health course elective, I love reading food labels, but I still eat M&Ms off of the floor, and indulge in cheesecake and ice cream. Maybe I'm a wannabe health freak....
Get along with your parents: LOVE THEM TO DEATH!!!! They are some of my best friends! :)
Like thunderstorms: The bigger and bangier the better. I like them best at dusk or night time.

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: nope, not legal. But I'm going to have a Margarita when I reach the big 21. Anyone want to be my sober driver?
Gone on a date: Nope- I actually never have.
Gone to the mall: All the time
Been on stage: I wish. Does radio count?
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: I almost did a whole one of the double stuffed during school.... but not recently.
Eaten sushi: I gag- so, no.
Been dumped: Never been picked up- so I've never been dumped.
Gone skating: I love that!!!! But no.
Gone skinny dipping: Nope.
Stolen anything: Just this quiz

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Never, and I never will.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Nope, I don't like headaches
Been caught "doing something": Once again- there are no guys..... So, NO!!!!
Been called a tease: Yes. But I think she was jealous.... If I was flirting- I was doing it very well with about 3 guys at once. I think it's an art.... :)
Gotten beaten up: I have two brothers who are wrestlers.... but I've never been severely injured, no.

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: 28, maybe. Not before the undergrad is done, and maybe not before the Ph.D. is completed.
Number of Children: 8 boys. That's the dream, but in reality I just want LOTS!!! (No less than 5.)
How do you want to die: In my sleep, or surrounded by those I love. I might like being a martyr. I don't want to be in a nursing home.
What do you want to be when you grow up: A doctor, writer, politician, actress, mother, wife. Think I'll live long enough?

LAYER NINE: IN THE OPPOSITE SEX
Best eye color?: Blue
Best hair color?: Dark. Curly is nice.
Short or long hair: Short- very clean cut- almost military.
Height: 6 feet or over.
Best first date location: Drive in movie with a dance floor (see "The Wedding Planner") or a picnic in a park with a playground.
Best first kiss location: At the altar. And then I'm going to want him to kiss me all through the reception. I'll have waited long enough!

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people I could trust with my life: 23- all family members. Maybe 2 outside my family.
Number of CD's I own: Not very many... maybe 10/15?
Number of piercings: 4. I've been trying to up it to 6- but Dad didn't go for the glittery nose piercing- so I may just have to stick to the little hoop I want in my upper ear cartilage. :)
Number of tattoos: None- and never.
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper? maybe 3 or is it 4.... maybe more. I don't remember.
Number of scars on my body: One. On my knee. From a slip-n-slide. It was brutal.

Thanks! That was fun! :)

Just Like Me

I like to express my thoughts in my own words. But every now and then some else does it better than I ever could. I have some brilliantly wise friends. . .


"I'm your 'average' female ... I hog the phone, my eyes glaze over when boys talk about cars or computers, I like coloured pens and paper, I bake cookies and still sleep with stuffed toys (at the ripe old age of one and twenty!) ... Oh yeah, and I dream about Prince Charming rescuing me from my castle tower by slaying the dragons who breathe fire on any intruder. Ever since I could remember, the fairy-tale resonated deeply with my heart-strings.

Fast-forward ten years and welcome to the pandemonium that ensues the onslaught of teenage hormones, catty bitch fights and the torrent of questions about self, the world and everything in it. Oh yeah, and did I forget to mention the power struggles with parents as we negotiated the fine line between freedom and responsibility? The world grew bigger as horizons broadened and 'discovery' was the word of the day. Dimensions of understanding were stretched into the previously unchartered treacherous waters of science, history and new languages. There was a quest for finding our place in this big world as we attempted to reconcile the injustices of this world and our idealistic naivetyA

nd yet, the world was also a small place ... increasingly so, as the expedition of understanding turned inward. It was an 'interesting' period when what people thought mattered oh-so much. Their opinions shaped and identified and the terror of being considered anything but 'cool' engulfed and consumed. It was in such a milieu ... that the childhood dreams take on a new twist. The boisterous childhood confidence of when my prince would come gave way to questions of whether I was worthy of such a prince, plaguing my childhood daydreams ... or worse still ... what if he never existed? Could it be that I would be left to fend for myself. Strong and capable as women are supposed to be in this post feminist era, the thought petrified me.

Behind much of the activity that surrounds high-school life, is the search for identity ... often misplaced in a boy ... the logic flows that if there is a knight ... then I must be a princess. I was never fortunate (or maybe unfortunate - I still have not made up my mind) enough to have a boy fall at my feet ... no, not even close!! I think back with a half smile at the thought of all the sleepless nights I spent begging, whingeing, bargaining, pleading with God and pounding in frustration (to no avail) ... the number of times I cried myself to sleep and awoke to a wet pillow. "Why not me?" Questions plagued my young head.

It was a period where one got easily lost in the romances of others ... be they novels, sitcoms, chick flicks ... or just a figment of our overactive imaginations. I do not believe that I'm alone when I sigh and swoon at the thought (or sight ... if you've seen Colin Firth emerging from that scummy pond) of Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. He has just the right combination of manly charm, perfect flaws (that he overcomes) ... and room for our fantasies to fill in the gaps.And so I have been from twelve to twenty (and would still be) had it not been the grace of my Lord Jesus Christ.

In recent months, my mind has been exposed to new ideas that have never before come its way. It was a rude realization to discover that I had, in fact, been idolizing romance; putting it on a pedestal and seeking affirmation and security from it's stony perch. All would have been satisfactory (though not the best) were it not for Yahweh, my jealous God whose glory and holiness calls for my worship. Comfortable as my cramped tent was with my scruffy idols, the magnificence and majesty of the creator of the universe demanded something more, a radical change that would see an end to my enslaving misery.

What followed can only be described as a fierce tug-o-war between the comfort of habits (bad as they were) and the shock of a refreshing breeze of pure worship. The struggle was not only to concede to the new (but scary) lifestyle of abandoning my idols (that had become almost like friends) ... but to do so joyfully, gratefully. The decision was made and the feelings followed. However, the game was far from over. During the course of subsequent months, the weeds of misguided thoughts and attitudes were slowly surfaced and exposed. The sweet poison of fantastical romantic fairytales had been running in my veins and the realization prompted an onslaught of withdrawal symptoms of the most violent nature.

However, such measures did not suffice. Not only did the source of such romantic preoccupations need to be curbed, I was challenged to discipline my mind and 'take every thought captive'. Now, for one who lives spontaneously, free and rather flippantly, the concept of control is rather novel and unwelcome. As one may suppose, success in this domain was a rather rare occurrence and the defeated self succumbed to the storm of popular culture that raged. The emotional and spiritual havoc to which such unprincipled surrender lead is anyone's guess.

In the absence of boundaries, preoccupation exceeded its borders and flowed unruly into the realms of near-obsession, leaving little room for anything else. It was in such a climate that the need for discipline was so great as to even exceed the discomfort of breaking habits ... I say 'habits' for there are several ... the romantic childhood notion of damsels in distress and valiant princes, the laxity of mind and spirit and girlish discourse, juicy and gossipy. Riding the waves of hormonal roller-coasters, resolve regarding the matter wavered periodically. One surge, of late, conjured fantasies more whimsical than many before and proved most distracting. Granted, there was little to be distracted from for the daily routine was rather monotonous and dull. One may suppose that there was the void of a vacant mind that amply nourished the entrancing notions. With such preoccupations, perspective was, as suspected, warped in the most horrific fashion ... the work of the devil no doubt for what could be a more convenient way of diverting a youth's attention from matters of gravity than the flighty, engrossing contemplations of romance?"

News to the Extreme

How do you feel about the wheel tax?

What do you think about Guantanamo Bay? How do you think the terrorists are being treated?

Do you have any idea of what happened to Natallee Halloway?

Do you think that principals should be required to speak Spanish?

France banned Muslim head-coverings. Should the U.S. do the same?

I could go on and on. In one week here in Bedford Indiana, I watched more news than I had probably watched in two years. Yes, I know, I'm a backward imbecile, but you have to understand where I was coming from. In the dorms at Purdue I couldn't find Fox News. "So?" you say, "Watch CNN, or listen to NPR- come on, Courtney! If you want the news- it's there." No, I don't think you understand. In my family, CNN is viewed as an R rated movie, and NPR is a bastion of liberal thought and ideas. Listening/watching either one of those would put me on the edge of familial approval- just like going to law school. (We're still fighting the battle with that one...) In the same way- the very thought of my dating a guy who is not an ardent Republican, up-to-date on every current event, and well versed in his history- well, the thought couldn't be tolerated. :)

You need to understand my family. We're all very involved in the community and in our churches. We read all the time, and are expected to form oppinions and be able to voice logical arguments for those oppinions. Poor logic is almost as bad as ignorance about national affairs. My grandmother takes notes on what she reads, even when she reads for "fun." Both grandparents are sticklers for good vocabularies and correct people skills. Both are highly educated, and expect no less from their offspring. Lucky me....

I was planning on getting up at 6 yesterday. Planning would be the key word in that sentence. My alarm went off at 6, the snooze button was hit at 6:01, then again at 6:10, 6:19, 6:28, 6:37- you get the idea. I have a disease. I acquired it as soon as I knew how to use a snooze button. (I didn't know what the snooze was for until I was maybe 13 years old. I got my first alarm clock when I was 9. Yes, I am technologically challenged, and my early morning routine has gotten shorter and shorter since I discoverd that button.) Did you know that every snooze is only 9 minutes long? I suppose the idea is that if you plan on waking up ten minutes before you leave, you can still get ready and be out the door in the one minute you have remaining. They should have made it 10 minutes. If you're trying to do the math in your head for how many 9 minute increments you have before you actually have to roll out of bed- it can get rather difficult with a groggy brain. Ten is so much easier to add and subtract. It causes real trauma when you add your increments of 9 incorrectly.

So I got up at 7:00. My roommate used to do that- she would always set her alarm one hour earlier than when she actually wanted to get up- but rather than push the snooze a bizzillion and one times (like me) she would shut it off. She slept through nearly every class before noon.

I headed downstairs and poured myself a bowl of cereal and milk. I had to add granola to the top of my cereal, because what I thought was Smart Start turned out to be bran flakes. It must run in the family, because both my mother and grandmother combine boxes of cereal to conserve cupboard space.

Now, I must explain that I am not a morning person. I've grown by leaps and bounds in the last year, but that was because I was forced to. You can't get an A in an interactive class (at 7:30 in the morning) if you refuse to interact with people before 9:00. What can I say? I'm a slave to my grades... So I started talking to people in the morning. I'm better than I was. I used to bite your head off if you woke me up before 10, and if I was forced out of bed, it was death to the first "good morning!" person I met. However, I have not been able to conquor all of my early morning "hangover." I am still a bit groggy.

I crunch on my cereal. (I always wolf it down because I don't like soggy stuff) and my grandmother comes and sits in the chair next to me. She watches me eat and then says,

"Muslims in France are no longer allowed to wear their religious head-dresses. It's causing quite a stir."

I stop mid-bite. Remember, I got up five minutes ago, and I'm completely oblivious to the fact that there is even a country named France, and there is a religion known as Islam.

"There are some people here in the U.S. who think we ought to do the same thing. I talked to one of my friends the other day and she said everyone should be free to dress as they see fit, and I said...."

I was lost. And my cereal was getting soggy as I tried to sort through this maze of information. I cannot fathom how I didn't know about this. I watch the news every night. (EVERY night- sometimes hours of it.) But I still hadn't heard about this. Probably because I'm neglecting both the radio and newspaper. My grandmother reads those too.... I have since learned that whenever there is a lull in the conversation (and often, simply when the current topic doesn't interest her) my grandmother will interpose some political comment, some breaking news, or some random evil being committed. She doesn't just read/listen to the news. She gobbles it up. Today I took two questions (the first two questions in this blog) and went around asking people about them. Only one man out of 10 kinda knew what I was talking about- and he only had an answer for the first question. My grandmother's faschination is current events, and political conservatism and it far excedes the knowledge of anyone in tiny little Bedford, Indiana. Be prepared, when I return to school, to hear me spouting conservative politics, and watching Bill O'Reilly on FOX News every night before bed. I think I may become addicted.

After breakfast I head up stairs and get ready, and clean my room. I'm not neat. My grandmother is. Since I'm living in their house rent free, I suppose it should be kept neat. I also have to look like I know what I'm doing when I leave. Being an intern, there is very little I actually do know, so if I can dress the part it keeps me from looking like a complete idiot.

I spent the morning interviewing, and writing ads. I ate lunch, took a nap, and then changed into my grubbies. Known formally as an intern, I am also referred to as "the slave." "The slave" scrubs floors on her hands and knees, bleaches out cabinets that smell damp. (Damp = Mold smell) I clean the men's restroom. (That has to be my least favorite job. Men are disgusting.) I weeded, cleaned the sludge out behind the station where the satellites are (GROSS!!!) discovered an ants nest (by putting my hands into it- they climbed all up my arm) and cleaned all the windows. I've heard the rumor that the pole barn behind the station is my next project. I don't believe anyone's been in there for years- You can open the door, walk in, and close the door, but that's about it. It's full. I do all these projects when no one knows what to do with me. I smile and say, "Well, since you have nothing for me to do, I believe I will go weed-whip the parking lot and paint the trim. Let me know if you want anything else done!"

So, being an intern/slave/handyman/ cleaning lady/ interviewer/ad writer/ anythingelseyoucanpossiblyimagine is quite exhausting and busy.

But, I am loving every minute of it.

How do you feel about Michael Jackson's jury decision?

Opinion Time

"I think Hilary should run for president. Can you imagine a woman in charge? I think a change is what this world needs." -Janadean M., London, England (Maybe Ms. Janadean should look and see what liberalism has done to her own country...they do pay 60% of their income to their government.)

If Hilary ran as a Republican, she might have a good chance, but running as a Democrat it would only embarass her party and this country." -Jeffrey B. (Hmmmm, does ANY party want the [in]famous Mrs. Clinton?)

"Hillary should stay home and 'bake cookies'.... she has done nothing for New York state... especially upstate. One Clinton in the White House is enough!"-Mary C., Remsen, NY (Maybe if she can't help a state she can't help a country...)

Should Hilary Clinton run for president in the 2008 election? Would you vote for her?

(This is a dinner topic at the Spencer and Blake homes.... welcome to my world of Fox News and politics!)

Are we?

Several recent encounters with girls (and women) in my private life have led me to investigate something that I've always wondered about. Are girls more likely to bend to social pressure- to seek the approbation of others- than guys are? Do we females need to feel needed?

I've read several studies on the internet-some directed to teachers, some to students, some to the government- they all agree on one thing: girls are more likely to be influenced by those around them- to seek out approval from the other people in their lives. For girls the two things that indicate a social status and which give you approval are guys and money. You have a guy- then you must be wanted. You have money- then you must have happiness.

I already knew (to some extent) that peer pressure was more prevelant in female circles, after all- we all go to the restroom together. . . So I decided to look at the one thing that all these girls in my life had done: made stupid mistakes just to feel needed by a guy. There are slews of statistics* stating the enormous number of girls who become involved in abusive or detrimental but very few sites gave any indication as to why these relationships were pursued or allowed to continue.

A few stated that girls remained in these relationships because "they are receiving implicit messages from their families and society that it is not okay to explore and develop their own identity." (But I Love Him, Jill Murray) or because they are not aware of the fact that they are being abused. Girls aren't stupid. If your boyfriend is monopolizing you, your time, controlling where you go, who you see, and being physically rough- then chances are you're in an abusive realtionship. (Pardon my sixth grade reversion but "DUH!!!")

I also do not believe that our society as a whole is sending the message of female degradation and imprisonment, if anything we are sending the exact opposite. The empowerment of women has been a front issue for over thirty years. Clearly there is no need for women to be man-dependent. There is no crying out for male approbation. Singleness is exalted in all forms of media (see some highly profitable sitcoms). And in this day and age your gender does not exclude you from any walk of life. (It can't, it's against the law.)

So. . . why are they doing it? Why do they make horrible decisions, leave family and friends, ignore godly advice, and get divorced all for some guy?

Why!!!

I want to know.

*It is estimated that by the age of 20, 33% of girls will have experienced an abusive dating relationship. - National Resource Center on Domestic Violence, 2000
*In 1994, 37% of women sought emergency room treatment for domestic violence related injuries. - US Department of Justice, Violence Related Injuries Treated In Hospital Emergency Departments
*An estimated 3-4 million women are beaten by an intimate each year. - Department of Justice Statistics, "National Domestic Violence Statistics"
* 65% of domestic homicides occurred while the victim was leaving or had left the relationship. – Uniform Crime Reports of the U.S., Federal Bureau of Investigation
*Family violence costs the nation from $5 to $10 billion annually in medical expenses, police and court costs, shelters and foster care, sick leave, absenteeism, and non-productivity. – Medical News, American Medical Association

Brain Mush

Those of you who know me, know that I am completely car illeterate. Some people even question if I ever really learned how to drive. Well, I am currently staring blankly at a computer screen trying to think of something to put in a car ad. Don't get me wrong. I know how to write knowledgeable sounding fluff- even on something I'm completely clueless on (I think I should become a political speech writer...) but I've currently written about 6 ads in the past 24 hours on cars and car maintenance. I wash my car- that's about all the maintenance it gets from me.

All that to say, I'm taking a break.

There are several things I've learned in the past few days which I thought I should pass on.

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. (I knew I didn't like that game....)

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month . which we know today as the honeymoon. (I suspect that they made him drunk so he wouldn't see what kind of a bargain he had gotten...)

In conclusion: At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow. :)


I miss you so much as I think of you,
I'll keep the old friends and make some new.
Now the sun is shining, and there is no rain,
So may your day bring you nothing but gain.

My Life (that I love): As An Intern

There is a lull in the activity here at the station. I've been running around all day writing, filling bills, revising advertisements, attending meetings. This afternoon, instead of the standard lunch break, we had a "Brown Bagger" in which an outside company caters lunch to all the employees. We eat, talk, and have a business meeting. It lasts almost 2 hours and is quite fun. (For me. I suppose that everyone else has heard all of this before, but I keep learning all these great things. It's incredible!)

But now, I've done everything that is pressing for today (it is currently 2:30. That means that I've been useful for an unprecedented 6 and 1/2 hours.) and I'm taking a short break. I still have things to do, but none of them have deadlines for today. Radio is very fast paced. For every 30 second ad that you hear, there are hours of work put in. The sales person sells (which can take a while- people are so demanding) then the "copy" (advertisement) has to be written and produced. The billing has to go in, paperwork has to be filled out, and then the programmers have to schedule it in all the times that the person wanted, and make sure that they get what they pay for. It's all very complicated for a newby like me.

I am back to making minimum wage, which is a little bit of a change after working for the government and getting $9.00 an hour. :) But I love this work environment, I love living with my grandparents, and I love driving this little sports car. In short, there are just a lot of things that I love. :)

I think I'm going to take this blogging time to tell you a little about my co-workers. I miss all of my friends from home (may I call you friends? :) ) and I want them to know about the new people in my life.

First of all, there are my grandparents. And yes, my family does believe in nepotism- that's how I got this job. I didn't even fill out an application until halfway through my first week. :)

My grandfather, L. Dean Spencer, is an electrical engineer who graduated from Purdue University exactly 50 years ago. He served in the military, and has been in radio since he was a boy. He inherited his radio stations from his father, Lester Spencer- one of the first great voices in radio. (I kid you not- pick up a history of radio and he will be in there- he had this great bassy voice and owned several stations.) My grandfather is a quieter man, but extremely intelligent. He is involved in his community, his family, and his business. And although he is in his 70's he still does all the weed spraying, electrical maintenance for his towers and stations.

My grandmother, Barbara Anne Spencer, also attended Purdue. Her declared major was Home Ec, but she, along with quite a few others, attended Purdue with the purpose of catching an engineer for a husband. She said that she figured an engineer would be able to provide for his family. Let it suffice to say that quite a few engineers wanted to catch her. :) She was a sorority girl, and beauty pagent queen, with an out-going, attention grabbing personality. She was, and still is, a snazzy, classy dresser. In fact, she even caught the eye of Neil Armstrong, later the first man on the moon. Neil took her to a dance, and while driving her home from a music rehearsal (they were both musicians) he pulled over to the side of the road for a make-out session. My grandmother would have none of that, and it must be said she caught the best engineer on campus when she married my grandpa. She is an incredible pianist, a news woman for the radio, and an avid learner of everything she can get her hands on. She takes notes while she reads- even if it's for fun. She also watches Fox News every night and during the day whenever she is home. From the way that she speaks about CNN (it's not allowed to be played in the station or at their house) I do believe she would rather I watch the sitcom "Will and Grace" or "Sex in the City." :)

I work mainly in the sales office at the station.

Becky is the head of the sales department. She is a riot. Baseball is her game, she tracks the weather on her computer, and drives a Jeep without the top on. She, her husband, and little girl live out in the country quite aways, and I can't see her anywhere else. She has headed the sales staff for quite a while and seems extremely successful at it. Her interaction with her sales women is incredible. They all love her because of her carefree, happy go lucky attitude. She's the kind of woman who would go to a game you were playing in, and cheer the loudest- maybe even join in if you were short-handed.

You'll notice that I mentioned her "Sales women"that is because the entire sales staff is comprised of women. I have a theory about that which I will air later.

Maleaha is now the longest running sales woman. She was married at eighteen, and is now almost 31. She is pregnant with her first child and throws a mean curve ball. She can wing it around her office door and nail you without even trying. I can't hit her, point blank, from three feet away. She laughs. I love her laugh. It's one of those un-affected giggles. She still seems about 18. She has this adorable cute litte voice which I'm sure that her clients love to hear over the phone.

MaryAnn is Italian. She embodies that whole stereo type. She has the gorgeous dark skin and eyes with an enormous amount of gorgeous dark curly hair. She laughs with this enormously gorgeous smile. And she instantly makes you her friend. She talks about her life and her new boyfriend with me in a very unreserved manner. At 24 she's closer to my age than any other sales person. She's like a friend- and we're going to spend some time away from work together. She's my only younger influence so far this whole summer. Let it suffice to say that I like her. :)

Holly is my boss. She acts as a sales woman, but she's also General Manager for the entire station. I do almost all of her advertisement writing and grunt work paperwork. I am, in essence, her secretary. She is this little tiny thing who weighs in at barely over one hundred pounds. She has the gorgeous dark tan and manicured nails. She dresses in a snazzy cute outfits- which she probably got while she was general manager for Old Navy or Victoria's Secret. She is a very good people manager. Some people just have that skill.

Well.... those are the ladies I am around. Of course there are other people that work at the station, but I haven't spent much time around them, and so I don't want to draw lopsided, or narrow character sketches of them.

Let is suffice to say that I love my job. I love my co-workers. I love little ol' Bedford Indiana. And I love summer vacation. Once again, there are lots of things that I love.

When You Wish...

Here's Courtney's big, tough question of the day. (Don't hold your breath, Courtney's not known for her brilliance and deep thinking...)

When do you stop dreaming about the "impossible" and just accept your reality? What about the fear that you've given up too soon, that your dream will never be realized because you didn't stick it out long enough? At what point do you say, "This must not be what God has planned for me" and when do you say, "Okay, with your help, Lord, I'm going to stick it out a little while longer- I'm going to keep on hoping for my fairy tale."

Because everyone has a fairy tale- a secret wish for their future. Just ask. A little dream, a little fantasy that they want to obtain. It changes from age to age, from circumstance to circumstance, but everyone has some little heaven on earth that they want to obtain.

I've got mine. I don't think anyone knows it... verbal as I am. :)

You've got yours. (Feel free to share it... I love hearing them!)

The question is: Do I keep wishing for the stars or accept that I've got to live on this earth?

*****Warning*****

Future posts on this site maybe highly controversial.

The staff of this publication wish to inform their readership that as of Monday, June 6th, the Editor, Author, and Chief of Staff, all writing under the name, "C. E. Blake" will air their oppinions without restraint.

These oppinions are not always warmly received and have been often disagreed with.

A Little About . . .

The strolled hand in hand down the sunset beach. The waves were gold colored and lapped quietly around their feet.

A silence hung between them- one of those comfortable silences you can enjoy with someone you know very, very well. They had just finished laughing over a little dog they had observed while eating their dinner at a side walk restaurant. She sighed in contentment and looked up at his eyes. He made her so happy! He smiled back, and then-

He was down on one knee. In his hand he held one of those little boxes every girl dreams about.

"I love you."

"Oh!" When he said those words her eyes went from the ring to his face.

"Will you marry me?"

I don't really need to go any further. You can guess what she said. Hey, I can tell you what she said, because, contrary to popular oppinion, I am not a writer of romantic fiction, I am a recorder of facts, and the above story is fact. I am pleased to announce the engagement of my bestest friend from grade school- Miss Laura Elizabeth Lee. Yes, that's right! Ms. Lee was proposed to Wednesday night by her highschool sweetheart, Nicholas Melsheimer, who is currently stationed in California training to become a Navy Seal. They will make an adorably petite couple, and their children will have to use SPF 50. Those of you who may be unaware should know that Ms. Lee is paler than I am, and Mr. Melsheimer is a freckled red-head.

Ms. Lee is trading her incredibly easy to spell last name for "Melsheimer?" She doesn't seem to mind. :)

There. I am sufficiently romanced out.

No more

The romance streak is dead.

Kaput.

All right!!! On to different a bigger things! (I can say this because I'm not the one who got engaged, if I was I would bore you with page after page of superfluous blogging.)

****************************************************************

It must be admitted I have a dull mind. Very dull. I am currently sitting at my desk, musing at the brightly colored thumb tacks in the wall over my computer. Now, before I go any further- I must let you know that I was very productive all morning. I ran errands, and organized file cabinets- so none of this, "Courtney, you are such a lazy bum." I may be a lazy bum, but I'm trying not to bring that into my work. And let me tell you, I have it tough! Yes I do!!! I'm living with grandparents who rent movies for me, take me out for ice cream, ask me what kind of pop I want stocked up in their garage, who come home early to fix me chicken cacciatore, tell me I'm cute, let me drive their convertible sports car, and willingly hired me for 8 weeks without even filling out an application. Yup, I have it tough. ;)

But my mind IS dull. I've been wracking my brain for something extremely interesting to inform my faithful readership of, but I'm drawing a blank. So I decided to shock and amaze you with little known facts about C. E. Blake.

(If you don't want to die of boredom you might want to close this window right now.)

1. I don't like barbecue sauce. Ever since I discovered that I could refuse it without my parents becoming upset (they used to make me eat everything given to me.) I have done so.
2. I have no little or no musical, and when people ask me, "Did you hear that diminished 3rd?" I usually find some tactful way to get out of actually answering the question.
3. My weakness is shoes and cute accessories. I'm a sucker. Even when I know I have no money to spend, I still buy them. So, when I'm broke, I try to avoid temptation.
4. I love playing in makeup.
5. One of the biggest things I regret in my life is not majoring in theatre. But I won't regret it when I get a job when I graduate... :)
6. I like Theodore Roosevelt's quotes and speeches more than any other president's.
7. I want to be the First Lady of the United States.
8. I don't like Root Beer.
9. I like tanning.
10. I didn't know how to use a fax machine before this week.
11. And I was scared that there was a drooling monster under my bed until I was 16. I still abhor scary movies unless there happens to be someone I want to clutch sitting next to me. :)
12. I swam on a swim team for several years, I've been to the ocean numerous times, and stayed in numerous hotels with elaborate swimming pools- but I'm still afraid of deep water, and I have nightmares about drowning and sharks.
13. I want to adopt two little kids from Africa and China even if I never get married.
14. And I don't like Kool-Aid, though I love to watch the pitcher change colors on the commercials, and my children are going to drink Kool-Aid because it's a social status thing that I was never permitted to reach- since my mom doesn't like Kool-Aid either.
15. I like reading biographies- but not autobiographies. The autobiographies tend to get a bit preachy and proud.

Well, this is an immensely long blog.

I will sign off now!

May your weekend be filled with singing in the car and gazing at the stars!

Until Monday, I'm Courtney Blake.

I've been in radio land too long. :)

** pant, pant**

Working. (grunt) Working soooo hard!!! *pant, pant*

I'm here. At work. My goodness I'm a good person. Look at me slave away! Wow!

Okay, the very fact that I'm writing this at work should indicate that I'm avoiding the one thing you are supposed to do at work. (Which is work.) But I'm really not avoiding it. I promise. In fact, if I could have a job I would be ecstatic. A job, any job would be welcome. (Except cleaning the bathrooms. I'm not that desperate yet, and hey- I'm wearing a silk skirt!)

I wrote two advertisements this morning, revised a third, and have made copies. That's it. All day. That's all I've done. Don't drool in envy! I'm struggling to keep my eyes propped open and my head off of my desk. There was an hour after lunch when I was the only one in the office, I had no job, a full stomach, and since I had been up half the night with a headache I was struggling to stay awake. They have this break area with a couch and if it hadn't been for the threat of a suddenly returning co-worker I would have laid down and taken a refreshing snooze.

So, enough of the work update. You get the idea. I write advertisements, act in commercials, make copies, fill out paperwork, and am interviewed. Hopefully I'll get to do some interviewing soon, but don't hold your breath- apparently you need a degree to ask people questions. (Heck- I've been doing that since before I knew what a question mark was.)

I'm going home now.

Good bye boring blog!

Toodles!

To add balance to my last post....


I pay very little regard...to what any young person says on the subject of marriage. If they profess a disinclination for it, I only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person.

- Jane Austen

Never, No, Not EVER!!!

Okay! Not gonna do it! Nope. Never.

I am not going to date.

I am not going to become engaged.

And I am most definitely NEVER getting married.

You should see me right now, I think I have "anti-guy" written all over me. :) I look quite the cosmopolitan business woman with my cute work outfit and "my" adorable little convertible. I look like a SINGLE carreer woman- and that's the way I would like to keep it, thank you very much.

Wow. I don't know where that all came from!

Yes I do. That's a lie. It springs from my deep aversion to conflict. I have noticed that most relationships of that nature seem to be a breeding ground for arguments, "discussions", and confrontations. I don't like these. Not at all. So, I'm going to avoid that kind of discomfort for as long as possible. Call me immature and selfish. I am. And I don't care.

Then, below that terror of deep discussions and conflicts there is another. I don't want to ever be left. I bawl my eyes out when people leave me because of a job change, graduation, etc. What would happen if they left, but didn't really leave? You know, the boyfriend throws out some sort of line like: "I don't think our relationship is going in the best possible direction. Why don't we call it off?" or, worse still, "Courtney, you're really great and all, but there's this other girl...."

ARRRRGH!!!

That for me epitomizes the horror of any relationship. It scares me to death- the thought that I am not good enough- and I never will be. It's the thought which has hampered me in several friendships with guys (not that they ever knew that) and it's that thought which is holding me out of any relationship at the present. (Okay, it's not the only thought- but it IS one of the three most prevalent.)

So, let me make this simple for you- here are the three reasons I'm not dating (I thought I should think these outsince I've been asked, "Why aren't you dating?" countless times already this summer.)

1. I love my freedom too much- I've got too much to do. A guy doesn't figure into my strategic plan for another five years.

2. I'm terrified that I'm not good enough and I never will be.

3. I don't want to be dumped.

There- those are my three relationship phobias.

I have no clue why I am blogging this. Guess I just needed to hash it out. This was a very infrequently read blog when I started- perhaps it still is... anyways. I better get back to work. :)

Toodles!!!